Wales - Autumn 2001

Fake Castles, Grouchy People & Condoms

In some ways Wales proved to be more interesting that I expected it to be and in other ways it was a big disappointment. The first place that I headed for as soon as I arrived was the castle. Located in the heart of Cardiff it was in easy walking distance from the train station. I stopped by a tourist information office located on the street leading to the castle but the staff was not helpful. Apparently providing tourists with information is not what they are there for. They did not even have any brochures. Fortunately I had done some research on line the night before and had checked out the web site for Cardiff Castle. However, I failed to to realize that the castle was fake. Well not fake exactly, the castle is real enough, but it was built from the plans of a real medeaval castle and is certainly fake since the whole castle was built in 1868 by the 3rd Marques of Butte (a Scot). Only the Norman keep inside the walls and little bits of the wall which incorporate the remains of the original wall built by the Romans All the rest is about 140 years old.

I am not sure exactly how to describe the inside. I have not seen the like since my Brother and I visited Hurst Castle in California. William Randolph Hurst and the 3rd Marques were definitely of the same school. A really outstanding thing about the interior is that when it was built central heating was installed, along with hot and cold running water and flushing toilets. For 1868 this was really leading edge technology.

The 3rd Mq. was supposedly the richest man in the world at the time he built this, his Papa having made a killing as a coal mine owner who branched out and bought his own ships to ship it and his own brokerage houses to sell it. Sort of cornered the market and in doing to put Cardiff firmly on the map as a great coal mining port. Cardiff is a beautiful city. Of course it ought to be, there is lots of money here. It's obvious even now long after the coal industry has gone that there is lots of new industry here. Many of it's old buildings are being renovated and turned into luxury flats. The also have a National Welsh Museum that I did not have time to visit that has the largest number of French Impressionist paintings on display outside of the Louve. I am going to try to make it back to Cardiff just to see that if I can work it in.

Now you would think with all that going for it that the people of Cardiff would be a cheerful bunch of folks, wouldn't you? Not so. I was really surprised to notice how sour pussed the people of Cardiff all seemed. Not only had the staff in the Tourist Information Shop been unhelpful but when I took a ride in one of those double decker tour buses, the tour guide managed to remind everyone at LEAST five times that we weren't in England anymore, that this was WALES. Did he think perhaps that the passengers were not aware of this fact and were under the impression that Cardiff was part of England? The guy was a real jerk! Throughout the entire ride he managed to remark as he pointed out the lovely buildings that we passed (and there were many lovely buildings) how they superior to anything to be found in England and to let us know how many Welsh serviceman and women perished fighting and presumably single handedly winning England's wars for them. It got very tiresome after a while and I'm not even English! The Scots are very nationalistic too but they aren't shitty about it.

It was not just the tour guide. Shopkeepers were a pretty dour bunch as well. It was obviously a great inconvenience to them to have to go to the trouble of ringing up your purchase. As a result, I spent less than 10 pounds in Wales and five of that was for the bus tour. The rest was for post cards and the admission to the Castle. The heck with people who can't take a joke, right?

  And while I am on a rant here, l might as well continue it and tell about my trip through the lovely and quaint indoor Victorian Shopping Arcade directly across the street from the Castle. It was done up very sweetly, with hanging baskets, soft music piped in from somewhere. I browsed around in one of the little specialty shops that sold Celtic jewelry. I would have bought some too because they had some really lovely pieces, but if I hadn't been already ticked off with the whole place. By this time when I say the whole place I am talking about all of Wales.

There was a shop that sold every kind of button imaginable, a sidewalk cafe‚ and tea rooms, and there nestled between a shop that sold Welsh Tartan's (I didn't know the Welsh had tartans but apparently they do) and musical instruments was a Condom Shop that had a great big penis sign wearing a pink condom and a smile, or perhaps it was a smirk, or even possibly a leer, painted on it hanging right outside the door! I think I audibly gasped and I was for sure shocked right down to the bottom of my American Southern Baptist Bible Belt toes. Displayed in the window was a basket of penis shaped pasta, boob shaped pasta and a wide assortment of packets of condoms that I had not realized before this, come in all shapes, sizes, colors and designs and I presume, although I can't say for sure, flavors. There was also a box about the size of a one-pound box of chocolates, labled Passion Kit that contained two big globs of some lime green substance. My mind just boggled at that point. I have described it to B&J and they can't imagine what it could be either. If I make it back to Cardiff to see the paintings I will go back to that shop and try to work up the nerve to go in and take a close enough look at the box to read the directions. I will never get up the nerve to ask. But one thing for sure, I didn't need a tour guide to remind me that I wasn't in England, or for that matter definately not Arkansas.

 So that's my Welsh adventure. A day of surprises. Fake castles, passion kits and grouchy shopkeepers. Tomorrow we are leaving at FOUR AM to drive to Weymouth and take the ferry to Jersey. The photographs on this page are postcards that I have scanned in just in case anyone who knows me thinks that my photographic technique has suddenly improved. The day was very dreary and all my photographs turned out very dark so I have improvised.





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